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The Feminine Mistake: Are We Giving Up Too Much?, by Leslie Bennetts
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Women are constantly being told that it's simply too difficult to balance work and family, so if they don't really "have to" work, it's better for their families if they stay home. Not only is this untrue, Leslie Bennetts says, but the arguments in favor of stay-at-home motherhood fail to consider the surprising benefits of work and the unexpected toll of giving it up. It's time, she says, to get the message across--combining work and family really is the best choice for most women, and it's eminently doable. Bennetts and millions of other working women provide ample proof that there are many different ways to have kids, maintain a challenging career, and have a richly rewarding life as a result. Earning money and being successful not only make women feel great, but when women sacrifice their financial autonomy by quitting their jobs, they become vulnerable to divorce as well as the potential illness, death, or unemployment of their bread-winner husbands. Further, they forfeit the intellectual, emotional, psychological, and even medical benefits of self-sufficiency. The truth is that when women gamble on dependancy, most eventually end up on the wrong side of the odds. In riveting interviews with women from a wide range of backgrounds, Bennetts tells their dramatic stories--some triumphant, others heart-breaking. The Feminine Mistake will inspire women to accept the challenge of figuring out who they are and what they want to do with their lives in addition to raising children. Not since Betty Friedan has anyone offered such an eye-opening and persuasive argument for why women can--and should--embrace the joyously complex lives they deserve.
- Sales Rank: #982970 in Books
- Brand: Brand: Hyperion
- Published on: 2008-03-04
- Released on: 2008-03-04
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x .0" w x 5.19" l, 1.00 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 384 pages
- Used Book in Good Condition
From Publishers Weekly
Starred Review. It would be easy to dismiss this as yet another salvo in the mommy wars-—the debate over women opting out of careers to be stay-at-home moms. But Bennetts, a longtime journalist and writer for Vanity Fair, is more interested in investigating what she sees as the heart of the matter: economics. Through impressive research and interviews with experts and with real women, Bennetts shows that women simply cannot afford to quit their day jobs. Long-term loss of income has a cascading impact in areas such as medical benefits and retirement funds, not to mention a woman's sense of autonomy, derived from financial independence. Further, a career supplies a woman with a measure of security for herself and her children in the event of unexpected sickness or divorce. As any woman who has tried knows, returning to the workforce and finding a well-paying job after an absence of years, or even decades, is difficult. Not so long ago mothers would pin a dollar bill to their daughters' underclothes when they went out on a date in case, for some reason, they needed carfare home. Those mothers knew all to well that without money of your own it's easy to be left stranded. As Bennetts expertly shows, it's still true. (Apr.)
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.
From Booklist
Many well-educated American women are giving up the struggle to balance career and motherhood and making the "willfully retrograde choice" of relying on men to support them and their children, Bennetts maintains. Financial dependency can jeopardize women's futures and those of their children, she warns. Drawing on interviews with hundreds of women as well as sociologists, economists, legal scholars, and other experts, Bennetts lays out the dangers of giving up careers. She looks at how new divorce laws have altered alimony, reducing the likelihood of a lifetime guarantee of support for stay-at-home mothers after divorce. She details the impact of a loss of income on medical and retirement benefits and weighs it against lifelong financial needs. Bennetts encourages women to consider a "fifteen-year paradigm," viewing their lives beyond the years of motherhood and asking themselves what they want from life when their children are grown and gone. Allowing women to tell their own stories of economic abandonment, Bennetts presents a cautionary tale for women pondering giving up economic independence. Vanessa Bush
Copyright © American Library Association. All rights reserved
Review
"A provocative examination of the economic pitfalls facing stay-at-home moms . . . a clarion call . . . that taking the mommy track is risky business." -- People
"A provocative examination of the economic pitfalls facing stay-at-home moms . . . a clarion call . . . that taking the mommy track is risky business.E -- People
"As wise an argument as has been proffered in some time . . . there are too many smart women who choose to be ignorant about the financial structure that supports the family. Until it doesn’t." -- The Philadelphia Inquirer
"As wise an argument as has been proffered in some time . . . there are too many smart women who choose to be ignorant about the financial structure that supports the family. Until it doesn’t.E -- The Philadelphia Inquirer
"Leslie Bennets delivers an incontrovertible argument for economic self-sufficiency as the fundament of women's well-being." -- Susan Faludi, author of Backlash
"No woman could possibly confuse care and cash again after reading about the true price women pay for economic dependence." -- Liz Perle, author of Money, a Memoir
"Packed with pragmatic, well-researched advice, this manifesto on the power of financial independence is bound to inspire discussion among career women as well as stay-at-home moms." -- USA Today
"Packed with pragmatic, well-researched advice, this manifesto on the power of financial independence is bound to inspire discussion among career women as well as stay-at-home moms.E -- USA Today
"Should be required reading for all young women contemplating marriage and a family." -- Ann Crittenden, author of The Price of Motherhood and If You've Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything
A must read for everywoman." -- Louann Brizendine, author of The Female Brain
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
a must read for any woman contemplating opting out of the workforce.
By Claudia Balderston
Ms Bennetts has clearly created a labor of love. i found her book insightful, thorough, well written, and well organized. parts made me laugh, parts made me want to cry. i think every woman should read this book who may ever want to have a family, long before that time comes, to plan and create a career for herself that will realistically suit her long term goals. I've lived the working mom life for a quarter century, and i concur-- if you're willing to negotiate the rules, you can have a more fulfilling life than a woman of any previous time could have had. ladies, find a way! be smart, read the book, make good choices.
13 of 15 people found the following review helpful.
Inspiring book that may piss you off, but will probably change your life for the better...
By TDPM
Wow, this book really opened my eyes and brought me back to reality. I spent my high school and college years working hard towards my future career goals, but after graduating and being surrounded by stay-at-home peers I started to doubt my career ambitions. This book helped me to "re-realize" my dreams for the future and not buy into the current stay-at-home trend.
This book takes a very direct and unrestrained look at the consequences of having a stay-at-home lifestyle. Much of the book is based on countless interviews of at-home and working moms and statistics from academia. It might be hard to accept, but much of her facts and assessments are indisputable. It also contradicts much of the "evidence" put out by mainstream media about how being a working mom can affect the family.
Some things to be aware of before reading this book:
- Bennetts and her interviewees seem to use capitalist measures of success to determine other's and their own worth, namely money and fame. This is practical and pragmatic since it is how our American society measures success and without money survival is impossible.
- This book is mostly relevant to middle/upper class women and/or educated women. Almost all of Bennetts' examples are of ivy-league graduates and those that have million-dollar-salary potential. Not to belittle my own or my peers' potential, but when you're making $40K per year it's hard to relate to someone who earns $1.5 million. I still found the book useful, but someone working at Wal-Mart might not.
- While Bennetts' overall argument is very feminist and I laud her for that, her guilt at choosing to be a working mom is evident and minimally jeopardizes the overall message. It seems she feels the need to defend her abilities as a mom to the stay-at-home crowd which implicitly suggests that she believes that as a woman/mother she does in fact have certain responsibilities. She mentions several times in her book that she is a good mom even though she works... she backs this up by saying that she makes dinner for her kids every night. This assumes that it's a mother's responsibility to make dinner for her kids. Does a father have to justify himself in this same way? If this book is to be truly feminist then Bennetts shouldn't have to justify her mothering with traditional/conservative measures of a mother's worth. To simply say that she and her husband ensure dinner is on the table and quality family bonding takes place should suffice.
Overall I found this book inspiring and an interesting read. I will definitely - though carefully - recommend it to my friends that are considering being at-home moms.
9 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Read it.
By E. Tantum
Every female living in the United States should read this book. I am married, and not even planning on having kids, but I was so interested in the topic that I read this book anyway. I have always had the fantasy of not having to work and being 'taken care of' by a man and never realized how dangerous that can be. This book inspires women as it encourages them to find their passions and keep at it, even when the going gets tough. It also explores the consequences women face when they give up too much and depend on a man for economic stability. She explores the emotional issues women and marraiges face when they do not contribute financially to the marraige. I thought about things I would be giving up that I had never thought of before. This author backed up her points with extensive research. I originally got this book from the library, but now I am going to go buy a copy and lend it to all of my friends who have children.
I would encourage anyone who reads this book, especially stayathomemoms, to read it with an open mind and to not get defensive about the issues the author points out.
I have two complaints about this book, although I am not going to let it reduce my 5-star rating because I think this book is so important. First, it is a little long and, therefore redundant. Second, I wish that she had interviewed more men to get their perspectives. She did interview a few men, but I wish she had included more of their points-of-view in it.
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